Two weeks ago seems like a lifetime ago.
My life has gone from a sprint to a crawl.
Two weeks ago, we were hauling most of the furniture in the house to the storage garage with all of the ‘other items’ being left behind. Unfortunately, our youngest’s apartment won’t be available until next weekend (so terribly disappointed we will not be able to help her move all of that furniture up to her 3rd floor apartment).
Other items deemed ‘not needed until we move into our house at the end of September’ were being ‘staged’ in the garage to be packed into the pod, which was delivered on Monday, and picked up (literally) on Wednesday.
The items in the staging area didn’t look like much.
Until the pod arrived.
Then I began wondering how it would all fit.
Props to the hubby and his packing skills.
(I feel it should be noted that having a moving company come in and do EVERYTHING was an option. Apparently, that’s not how we roll.)
Two weeks ago the car was picked up for its journey down south.
Two weeks ago was filled with cleaning under beds, behind couches, under the stove, and in the fridge and freezer.
Two weeks ago was filled with last minute appointments.
Two weeks ago was filled with goodbyes. Lots and lots of goodbyes. (More on goodbyes later).
And last week?
Well, last week I was ‘living the life’.
A furnished apartment.
A workout room.
All Karen things.
But, there was no lawn mowing, no weed picking, no flower watering and no porch sweeping.
My only obligations were to keep Quinn and my Christmas cactus rootings alive.
(So far, so good, in case you were wondering.)
Living. The. Dream.
Or so one would think.
Truthfully, I did not handle last week very well.
The stillness in my life was disconcerting. Very disconcerting.
I felt guilty. And anxious. And completely out of sorts.
I function better with structure.
I feel better when busy.
The former? A control issue.
The latter? A ‘my life has purpose’ issue.
I’ll give you a moment to digest this (‘cuz I’ve been thinking about it a lot this past week and I want you to catch up).
It started with this post by one of my favorite blogger friends.
Then, since my husband inadvertently packed my Bible and my book of daily devotions in the ‘not going to see this stuff for the next month’ pod, I decided to partake in ‘The Better Than You Can Imagine’ plan on my Bible app.
Guess what words appeared on my screen?
“Your Life Gift might be a skill you have developed or expert knowledge you have gained. It might be time that is on your hands.”
And finally, there was the conversation I had with my youngest. After I shared how I was feeling, she responded with
“What are you making this mean?”
(She’s getting her master’s in counseling. Obviously.)
guess was making this mean I was a lazy. And the word lazy, in my book, does not have a positive connotation. Not at all. It means unproductive, undeserving, unimportant, privileged, and…unworthy.
Ah. There it is.
Clearly, I’ve fallen into the trap of needing to be a human doing instead of a human being. And in the past week, I’ve failed to take advantage of this stage of my life. A stage, btw, I know is temporary.
So where do I go from here? How am I going to make this week better?
I am going to get rid of the ‘shoulds’. You know, all the “I should…” that exist just to take up time and keep me busy.
You get the idea.
The ‘shoulds’ tend to get in my way of just being. They tend to get in my way of thinking. They even get in the way of opportunities for others.
So here I am. Living the life. Ready, for the time being, to embrace just being.