So, here I am, sitting at home on this dreary Tuesday afternoon thinking I need to write something.
Truth be told, there is a lot on my mind I could write about:
- I could write about the tragedy in Parkland, Florida.
- I could write about the ‘new’ diet I saw this morning on Good Morning, America.
- I could follow through with the post I had planned to write about raising children.
- I could write about my 5 year anniversary of becoming vegan.
- I feel it’s all been said. I’m a teacher. I cried a lot this past week. Ugly cried. Not just a few tears dripping down my cheeks cried. I’ve already thought about how I’d get all of my kids out of harm’s way. I’ve already thought about the student I am worried about and how I need to try harder to make a connection. I’ve thought about whether or not I’d be courageous. I’ve thought about all of those in power who are acting childishly. I’ve thought about why this is happening…over and over and over again. I agree with so much of what’s already been said. There isn’t just one cause; there are many.
- Seems awfully trivial after #1, but still. When are we going to get it? When are we going to embrace our healthy bodies? Could it (insert sassy, sarcastic voice where word is bolded) possibly be we weren’t meant to be a size 0 or a size 6 or a size 10? Yet, we keep fighting it. Another day, another diet. All this, when we know without a doubt, diets don’t work long term. We know our bodies thrive when we eat real food. We know the pictures we see on social media are not always real, yet we keep longing for thigh gaps and flat stomachs. We know all of this, and yet…yeah, kinda burned out on the whole diet mentality of our society.
- This one is a bit too raw yet. Still processing. It’s coming, but I am so not ready to put my thoughts into words. I’m not even sure where I want to go with it. This was intended to be a funny, lighthearted post, but it’s turning out to be something much bigger. And deeper. I’ll get there eventually. Just not today.
- Yay me. Of course God always has a way of making me realize I am simply a mere human. Kinda hard to write about the health benefits of a vegan diet when I am feeling crappy. That being said, I’m so grateful for the ‘wonderful’ Wisconsin weather, that allowed me to stay home today. At 4:38 am, I received a text telling me we had a 2 hour delay. I got up, took another DayQuil, reset my alarm for 6:30, and tried (unsuccessfully) to go back to sleep. Hacking up a lung and not being able to breathe through my nose didn’t do much to lull me back into dreamland. At 5:44, a second text message came through. No school. Thank God. Seriously. I was thinking I really might have to call in sick, and the idea of preparing lesson plans and heading into school to get my room(s) ready was not appealing to me in the least.
So here I am. Time to write. Things to write about.
A while back, I read an article about focusing on the day to day process of (pick whatever you want, but I’m using ‘writing’), instead of focusing on the end result. In other words, if I want to write a book (which floats through my brain every now and then), then each day I need to write. Seems rather obvious when I see it in black and white. This works for a lot of things, btw. If you want to run well, focus on what you can do each day to get yourself to the end result. I’m sure there are other good examples out there as well.
My struggle is, each time I write, I’m thinking about the end result and how it needs to be perfect. There needs to be some life altering realization or some earth shattering advice. Very realistic, don’t you think?
At times, I get too caught up in the views and the likes. At times, I’m desperately seeking validation.
In those moments, I need to remind myself of why I write.
In a rather sick and twisted way, I do it for enjoyment. I love the process. l embrace the struggle of the first draft. I delight in the revising. I relish in finding just the right word. I appreciate the sense of accomplishment when it all comes together.
I write because it helps me make sense of whatever I happen to be struggling with.
I write because it provides closure.
I write, because for me, it’s easier than speaking. It’s my opportunity to make my voice heard. (Self disclosure…I’m very much an introvert.)
So there you go…today I wrote.
I had no goal.
There weren’t any earth shattering revelations.
It is not perfect.
But I wrote.